I was recently able to spend some time catching up with a dear friend of mine. In our time together, sipping frappes from McDonald’s, we talked about how many of our friends are in serious relationships/getting engaged and married. My friend and I, who are so very similar, decided that while marriage is something to look forward to, it should not be seen as the end goal. There is so much more to do than get married and have kids. For the past month, I have spent more and more time thinking about that conversation. Here are a few things that have been running rampant in my brain about why marriage shouldn’t be seen as the end.
1. Marriage will not end your insecurities.
I think many people, myself included at times, believe that marriage will solve the problems they have. That cannot be true. What is a relationship if not messy? Marriage is the joining together of two imperfect people. I believe that my insecurities are only magnified in relationships. I don’t think that we can expect anything less in a marriage.
2. If marriage is seen as the end, you will be disappointed.
Will marriage be wonderful? I’m sure it will. Will it be an exciting adventure? Absolutely! But if I look at marriage as the thing that will make my life what I think it should be, I will end up disappointed. Too many girls are brought up on books and movies that end with a wedding. Life does not end when you get married. A beautiful adventure begins, one full of joy and heartache. If marriage is the sole thing we strive towards, aren’t we just asking for disappointment when it isn’t all that the romantic comedies say it is?
3. Marriage is not my reason for living.
Women who see their only purpose on Earth to get married and have children sell themselves short. I’m not saying that I don’t want to get married and have children one day, I do. I eagerly anticipate those days, but I don’t sit around and long for them to come. The reason that we are alive is to give glory to God and point people to Jesus. That is our purpose. When I get married, my marriage will give glory to God and point people to Jesus. When I have kids, the way I parent will do the same. But until then, I plan on making sure that everything else I do, whether at school, at work, in the car, or at the grocery store, gives glory to God and points people to Jesus. I want my life to count.
Marriage is not the end all. Jesus is.
I don’t want anyone to walk away from this post and see it as some sort of bitter rant against marriage. I promise it isn’t. One day I plan to get married and have children. But in the meantime, my life is going to give glory to God and point people to Jesus. My relationship with Jesus is more important than any relationship I will ever have. It isn’t that I hate marriage, I just love Jesus more.
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:17